Wondering

Wondering
always wondering
never ending
constantly going

Wondering
do they think about whats wrong?
do they want to know?
do they even care?

Wondering
my brain filled with constant questions of:
should I tell somebody? and the
what will happen if I do?

Wondering
my only get away
my nightmares and terrors
times of blacks and reds

Wondering
horrible memories trickling down
the stinging of numbing pain
thoughts of: is this the end?

Wondering
the what if's and how come's
can I choose my own faite?
will I choose right?

All this time wondering
have I lost track of time?
will I ever ge the chance again?
it's mine to decide