Worse...

Just when I thought that things might be getting better they get worse.... The guy who used to be there for me through everything wants to quite choir. No he's not gay... far from it and he makes choir interesting. I mean he's not the only one but... well it's hard to explain.
On top of it i made a mistake last year. School had just gotten out for the summer and i was at the river with my class and all my friends. There was just a few of us left cause everyone else went home and i was the only girl left. I knew i should have said no but didn't. I just wanted them to like me... i hoped it would be enough for them to even just consider that i have feelings and i matter too. They dared me to flash them... at first i said no and then for some stupid reason i listened. I walked i little ways away and flashed them. See know i should have known that it was going to come back and make me feel bad but i didn't do what my heart or gut told me to do. Ever since then i have never forgiven myself for it. Now my sister calls me a whore and so do her friends.. Even Brendan who i thought was my friend called me a whore, he said he was kidding but i don't think he realizes how much words hurt and when everyone who was there when it happened joins in all it does is make me feel worse then i already do.
People say the only reason no guys like me is because I am a whore... Is it true because i'm beginning to think there right?

What To Do?

What do you do when the guy you care about says things like "the best part of his day is if he got stabbed in the heart!" How do you respond to that? He knows you like him and you know he doesn't like you back... who do you say anything without seeming... well you know...clingy like? I don't want to push him away more then I already have!
Something that has really changed my life was an assembly that the school held. It was very inspirational. It made me realize that i have to power to change the sinful things I'm doing and stay on the narrow road. That the path I am on, the path of destruction, is spiraling out of control and I am ruining the potential that I have to live in a world with so many opportunities. I can be anything I want to be and all I have to do is turn around. It won't be easy, actually it's far from easy... it's hard beyond all belief and your going to want to give up.. but keep the faith and your eyes locked on god and you can succeed. Easier said then done I know... but you and me both can do it.